Enneagram for Therapists
The Enneagram is the self-growth system that just keeps giving. Your Enneagram type shows up in every area of your life from your relationships, to your mental health, to how you run your business. Knowing your Enneagram type gives you insight and awareness of how you get in your own way. It helps you understand what behaviors and beliefs act as barriers to running a business and being an effective leader.
What is a Glimmer and How Does it Relate to Trauma?
Glimmers are defined as the opposites of triggers. When you are experiencing a trauma trigger, your nervous system amps up and your stress response activates. The stress response is commonly known as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. All of these symptoms of the stress response are common to experience when your trauma gets triggered. You may experience just a few or all of them. Trauma triggers amp up your nervous system. Glimmers, on the other hand, calm your nervous system and bring a temporary feeling of peace, joy, relaxation, or safety. Glimmers are small moments that disrupt stress and hypervigilance.
The Power of Cycle Breaking to Heal Childhood Sexual Abuse
Kimberly Shannon Murphy shares her harrowing story of confronting and healing childhood sexual abuse in her memoir Glimmer: A Story of Survival, Hope, and Healing. She, along with many other family members, was sexually abused by her grandfather. She now refers to him as “Him”. Kimberly’s story is the definition of cycle breaking. Her book demonstrates how family members' unresolved trauma gets passed down to the next generation. The trauma of child abuse silenced adult family members that should have protected her. The unresolved trauma of the adults enabled the abuse to continue.
Gifts You Need to Give Yourself To Break Cycles of Generational Trauma
Essential self-care you need to break generational cycles of trauma. You can’t heal your childhood trauma without learning how to prioritize and take good care of yourself. This is one of the big areas that therapy for cycle breakers addresses. Most cycle breakers struggle with this because it wasn’t modeled to them in their family of origin. Experiencing childhood trauma also has the impact of creating beliefs that limit your ability to relax, trust in yourself, and give to yourself.
Cycle Breakers and Traumatic Grief
Examples of traumatic grief cycle breakers experience. Cycle breakers experience deep grief on their journeys to learning how to heal and support themselves. It’s often complicated grief that involves recognizing the depth of what has been lost. This includes what was lost in the past, what isn’t accessible in the present, and what the future has lost. This kind of grief isn’t necessarily about losing someone who has died. It’s about losing relationships, losing your childhood, losing certain hopes for the future, and reckoning with the reality of what is true.
Cycle Breakers and Planting Sustainable Seeds
Being a cycle breaker is painful and lonely. There are periods of massive self-doubt and not knowing what the right thing to do is. For example, what do you do when you’ve emotionally outgrown your current space? How do you know what seeds to plant that will help you grow and thrive? How do you know that the seeds you plant are sustainable? Cycle breakers are having to break away from their family norms and unlearn what was modeled to them by learning brand new ways to operate. This could mean learning to set boundaries, learning how to support and take care of themselves, and learning how to move past the trauma of their past so generational cycles don’t repeat themselves.
When Is It Okay To Ghost?
Navigating dating after narcissistic abuse. When you are ready to start dating after experiencing narcissistic abuse in a romantic relationship, it’s pretty scary. You may have a lot of fear of dating another narcissist. You may not fully trust yourself to make good decisions that help you avoid abusive people. You know how covert and subtle the abuse is when it first starts, and it can be extremely hard to manage and discern this when you are dating. When you learn about narcissistic abuse, you might also come across the not so fun fact that experiencing this kind of abuse once means you are more likely to experience it again. Trauma bonding creates a certain magnetism that draws narcissists to you. This is disheartening, terrifying, and quite frankly, downright unfair. You’ve already been through so much and now you have to work harder to ensure it doesn’t happen again. I like to reframe this for my clients as an invitation to boldly and unapologetically give themselves what they want by getting clear on what their yes’s are and what their no’s are and clearly communicating it.
How To Know Your Enneagram Type is Right
Accuracy of tests and signs you have your type right or wrong. It’s common for people to relate to all of the Enneagram types. We have all nine of the types in us to some extent so this makes sense. But your Enneagram type is more like a core wound that causes consistent suffering than a simple set of personality traits. Two people can have very similar personality traits and behaviors, but the motivation and internal processes behind them are very different. Learn to recognize the internal and emotional signs that you have your type right or wrong.
Enneagram Teachers and Spotting the Green Flags
Watching for green and red flags is an incredibly useful skill for everyone because we will all come into contact with problematic people. For people who have experienced abuse before, it’s an essential skill. Whether you have experienced abuse in your childhood, adulthood, or both (because the abuse cycle tends to keep repeating itself) you may not see or react to red flags. It’s very common for abuse survivors to not see problematic behavior as a red flag. When I work with survivors, we talk about the reasons for this and work together to strengthen the skill of spotting green and red flags.
Problematic Enneagram Teachers and How to Spot the Red Flags
I work with a lot of people who’ve endured narcissistic abuse. I’ve learned over the years how incredibly covert and subtle the abuse is when it first starts. Sometimes people see the signs of problematic behavior and convince themselves (or are convinced by others) that it’s not a big deal. This is especially true if other people don’t see the behavior as problematic or are already caught up in the abuse cycle themselves. Much of my work centers around breaking cycles of abuse. One of the ways to do this is by recognizing the red flags before it even starts. The Enneagram community is not immune to problematic people. In fact, in my experience, it can be very appealing to people who seek to have power over others. The Enneagram can be weaponized as a tool of manipulation just like many other spiritual systems.
Enneagram Type 7
Core Emotion: Fear (Externalizing),
Filter: There is a world of opportunity and so many possibilities
Energetics: Bouncy, wiry, upbeat, positive
Traits: Optimistic, friendly, fast intellect, hedonistic, run from negativity, hard to commit, busy
Values: Excitement, newness, ingenuity, humor
Childhood: Learned early on that they might get trapped in their emotions- this is a deep fear, often felt that they were “too much”
Not afraid to: Express joy, do what feels good, enthusiastically plan and express ideas
Hard for them to: Sit in negative emotions, do anything that makes them feel trapped, slow down
Enneagram Type 6
Core Emotion: Fear (Avoiding)
Filter: The world isn’t safe and I can’t trust
Energetics: Friendly, intellectually quick, alert, connected,
Traits: Trustworthy, down to earth, rebellious, skeptical, logical, fearful or fearless, paradoxical
Values: Honesty, integrity, loyalty, compassion, playing devil's advocate, skepticism
Childhood: Learned early on that the world is not safe and that they must be vigilant
Not afraid to: Show up in crisis (except they fear it) be courageous (except they fear it) express doubt
Hard for them to: Trust themselves or others, sit with doubt, sit with betrayal
Enneagram Type 5
Core Emotion: Fear (Internalizing)
Filter: I will be intruded upon and not safe, I don’t have enough stores to last
Energetics: Drawn back, observing, quiet, sensitive
Traits: Heady, withdrawn, isolated, shares mostly about areas of interest
Values: Privacy, boundaries, gathering information and data, submerging in interests and gaining expertise
Childhood: Learned early on that their privacy would not be respected and they must make themselves unneeded
Not afraid to: Dive into interests for hours and hours, tell you no, gather data
Hard for them to: Feel their emotions and yours, be too social for too long, feel that that they have enough of what it takes to do all of life, reach out to others and feel needy or needed
Enneagram Type 4
Core Emotion: Shame (Internalizing)
Filter: Sees what is missing (outside and inside of themselves)
Energetics: Deep, melancholy
Traits: Creative, expressive, deep feeling, compassionate
Values: Uniqueness, being real, beauty, darkness and authenticity
Childhood: Learned early on that in order to be worthy they had to be unique and special.
Not afraid to: Be creative, sit with big emotions and with darkness
Hard for them to: Not live in their emotions, accept that nothing is wrong with them and that they belong, be bored and stuck in routine / ordinary things, not feel shame when comparing self to others
Enneagram Type 3
Core Emotion: Shame (Avoiding)
Filter: Sees who and what has value
Energetics: Sharp, alert, clean/sleek aesthetic, energized
Traits: Motivated, charming, successful, persuasive, deceitful, pragmatic
Values: Quality, looking good, achieving, competence and proficiency
Childhood: Learned early on that in order to be worthy, they had to achieve and perform. It wasn’t okay to just be themselves.
Not afraid to: Climb to the top, jump in and get moving, set high goals and work to get there
Hard for them to: Do things they might fail at, be vulnerable, be patient, be misunderstood, tap into their true hearts desires, slow down
Enneagram Type 2
Core Emotion: Shame (Externalizing)
Filter: Sees where there is a need to help
Energetics: Penetrating eyes, cute, seductive
Traits: Compassionate, bubbly, friendly, giving, self-sacrificing, prideful
Values: Being needed, being kind, relationships, generosity
Childhood: Learned early on that it wasn’t okay to have needs, that they could be worthy only if they were of service to others and needed
Not afraid to: Offer help, give you the shirt off their back, cheerlead and support others
Hard for them to: Take care of themselves and recognize their own needs, say no to helping others, draw boundaries, tolerate someone being mad or upset with them, not be liked
Enneagram Type 1
Core Emotion: Anger (Internalizing)
Filter: Sees everything that isn’t right
Energetics: Upright, straight
Traits: Discerning, serious, orderly, high expectations for self and others, rule following (society’s OR their own)
Values: Integrity, fairness, quality and doing things the correct / best way
Childhood: Learned early on that it wasn’t okay to make mistakes and internalized that they are a mistake and must judge themselves harshly to fix it
Not afraid to: Do conflict if it serves a greater purpose, stand-up for what they believe is right, be discerning, see things in black and white ways
Hard for them to: Make mistakes, be flexible, adapt to unexpected change, see things in the gray, let loose and play
Enneagram Type 8
Core Emotion: Anger (Externalizing)
Filter: Sees that something terrible has happened and they must fix it
Energetics: Big, powerful, strong
Traits: Gregarious, big personality, ‘in your face’, motivator, protector, leader, comfortable / likes being in the spotlight, intense, work hard / play hard, lust for vices
Values: Directness, meeting goals, honesty, loyalty
Childhood: Learned early on that weakness is vulnerability and they must protect themselves and others. Often took care of or protected a parent, sibling, friend or pet.
Not afraid to: Tell you like it is, take action, be in conflict, take control
Hard for them to: Be vulnerable, let go of control, not feel responsible for protecting others they feel are weak, stop working (can be workaholics)
Enneagram Type 9
Core Emotion: Anger (Avoiding)
Energetics: Calm, easy-going, comfortable
Filter through which they see the world: Sees what is out of balance
Negative Core Belief: I don’t matter
Traits: Easy going, conflict avoidant, kind, compassionate, stubborn, can be passive-aggressive and rely on indirect communication
Values: Consensus, balance, everyone being heard and their needs getting met, seeing things from everyone’s side
Childhood: Learned early on that it was better to get along, disappear, and be peaceful than to be seen and take up space.
Not afraid to: Get absorbed in hobbies and rest (9’s love to relax!)
Hard for them to: Be in conflict or be around it, state their opinion and take up space
Trans Rights Are Human Rights
I have worked with many trans and queer youth and adults as a school counselor and as a clinical mental health counselor. LGBTQA+ youth are at higher risk for depression, anxiety, and suicide. When my clients / students receive support and respect for their gender identity, things start to shift in a positive direction for them. Sometimes this includes accessing medical treatment such as hormone therapy, sometimes it doesn’t. I have personally witnessed youth go from experiencing major depression and suicidality to thriving because of gender affirming care.