Cycle Breakers and Planting Sustainable Seeds
Cycle Breakers, what seeds are you planting for your future?
Several weeks ago I stood in the doorway of my home office and cried as I watched the beautiful maple tree that grew in my front yard get cut down. This 25 foot tree was right outside of my office window. I had the pleasure of peering into the canopy every time I sat at my computer and worked. I watched birds making nests and squirrels tumbling around the branches. Humming birds frequently used the smaller twigs to take breaks before buzzing off. I had a first row seat to watch the tree go through the cycles of the seasons.
It reminded me that things are always growing and that the only constant is change.
This symbolic tree that made my office feel so cozy and nature drenched was one of the reasons I chose to buy this specific home. I was struck with grief when I learned that its roots were growing into my foundation. It needed to be cut down. There was no way around it. Speaking with the arborist, I learned that Maples have giant roots and should never be planted less than 20 feet away from a home. The tree should have never been planted in my tiny front yard in the first place.
My neighborhood was built by a developer nearly two decades ago. I suspect that the trees were planted without consideration for how they would grow. There wasn't consideration for the future of the trees, the homes, or the homeowners. If they’d had more consideration for the future and planted more sustainable trees, we wouldn’t have had this problem in my neighborhood. Half a dozen trees had to be cut down. What took decades to grow got ripped down in less than 30 minutes.
Even in its death, my tree continues to be a symbol. What we plant matters. The seeds that we plant in our present realities grow into our future realities. Like my tree, cycle breakers often outgrow the spaces they were planted in. A lot of the time they aren’t even aware that they are outgrowing their surroundings and the family culture they were raised in. They just know that it hurts. They feel lonely even when they are surrounded by the people they should feel the most connected to. They feel stagnant and are painfully aware of not getting their needs met. They use every tool in their toolbox to try to create more connection and improve their family relationships, but it never seems to work.
Being a cycle breaker is painful and lonely. There are periods of massive self-doubt and not knowing what the right thing to do is. For example, what do you do when you’ve outgrown your current space? How do you know what seeds to plant that will help you grow and thrive? How do you know that the seeds you plant are sustainable? This is where therapy can be immensely helpful. Cycle breakers are having to break away from their family norms and unlearn what was modeled to them by learning brand new ways to operate. This could mean learning to set boundaries, learning how to support and take care of themselves, and learning how to move past the trauma of their past so generational cycles don’t repeat themselves.
Being a cycle breaker is hard work. There’s no denying it. It’s often a lonely path full of obstacles and confusion. It can be hard to know what the right thing to do is when you are trying to learn healthy boundaries and communication. You are simultaneously unlearning what was modeled to you in your family and educating yourself on how to be the healthiest and happiest version of yourself. Not everyone around you will get it or be able to support you in the way you need. I specialize in working with cycle breakers and can help you.
The first step to working together is to schedule a free 20 minute phone consultation. Investing your time, money, and emotional energy into therapy or coaching is a big deal. It’s an investment in yourself and your wellbeing. It’s important that you make this investment with trust and confidence that working together is a good fit. This is why I offer a 20 minute phone consultation. During this time we can identify your needs and answer any questions that you have about working together.
Hanna Woody is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in Asheville, North Carolina. She has over 12 years of professional counseling experience and specializes in breaking cycles of intergenerational trauma, childhood trauma, and the Enneagram. Certified in the Embodiment Tradition, she has over 150 hours of training and teaching experience. Hanna is in private practice and provides online mental health therapy, Enneagram coaching, and Enneagram training.