The Power of Cycle Breaking to Heal Childhood Sexual Abuse
Kimberly Shannon Murphy shares her harrowing story of confronting and healing childhood sexual abuse in her memoir Glimmer: A Story of Survival, Hope, and Healing. She, along with many other family members, was sexually abused by her grandfather. She now refers to him as “Him”. Kimberly’s story is the definition of cycle breaking. Her book demonstrates how family members' unresolved trauma gets passed down to the next generation. The trauma of child abuse silenced adult family members that should have protected her. The unresolved trauma of the adults enabled the abuse to continue.
What I love about this book and why I recommend it to clients:
She talks about incest. This particular form of child sexual abuse isn’t talked about enough. Being abused in this way creates a uniquely pervasive form of trauma. As with other forms of childhood abuse, survivors can experience complex PTSD, anxiety, depression, self-harm, and disordered eating. Relationship challenges and feelings of low self-worth are common. For incest survivors, they also experience the devastation of being directly targeted by a family member and unprotected and unseen by non-abusing adults. The entire family system is wrapped around secrecy and denial. This betrayal is traumatic. The trauma is both the sexual abuse and the lack of support from the family to address it.
When children experience this kind of abuse, it impacts their ability to have healthy and fulfilling relationships with themselves and others. Trauma from childhood stays with you and impacts your relationships, your mental health, and your physical health. Healing is complex and involves many layers, but there is light and empowerment on the other side of trauma when you choose to do the work to heal and break the cycle. I’ve seen my clients transform with trauma work and overcome barriers they never thought were possible. I’ve seen them transform into grounded, empowered people who finally feel confident in themselves and their decisions. They feel a sense of deep self-worth and empowered self-ownership.
Reading the personal stories of other survivors like Kim can help you heal. Experiencing childhood sexual abuse is isolating and creates a lot of shame. Survivors often feel that they are alone and broken. The shame can silence you and make you believe that you are bad even if you know logically that this is untrue. Reading others' stories can help you realize that you are not alone. You’re not alone in your trauma and you’re not alone in your healing. Experiencing empathy and relating to another’s story can increase your ability to have compassion for yourself. Feeling seen in another’s story can help you see yourself in a different way which enables you to heal. For many of my clients, it’s hearing the stories of other survivors that helps them have the courage to do what no one else in their family of origin is doing- healing their trauma.
It only takes one person to start breaking the cycle. In Kimberly’s story, it seems that both her mother and her Aunt Pat were engaging in cycle breaking in different ways. Her mother got support for herself through therapy when her abuse memories re-surfaced. Her aunt Pat engaged in healing and self-care practices that helped her support her niece. When abuse survivors engage in healing and trauma work, it increases their emotional capacity to hold space for other survivors and address the abuse. Kim’s Aunt Pat was able to be a guiding support to her niece because she was working to heal and address her own trauma. Kim’s healing empowered her to find her worth and build satisfying and loving relationships. The passing down of generational trauma stops with her and her child. Healing generational trauma helps you as an individual, but it also helps others around you to get support because you are increasing your capacity to hold space for them in a healthy way.
Getting support for yourself is important. Untangling the complexity of childhood trauma and understanding what is within your power to control and what is not is essential to breaking generational cycles. Many of my clients feel guilty about prioritizing themselves and reaching out for support. This guilt is often rooted in childhood trauma. Giving yourself permission to get support is an act of self-care and an investment in your future health. I specialize in working with cycle breakers and I can help you.
The first step to working together is to schedule a free 20 minute phone consultation. Investing your time, money, and emotional energy into therapy is a big deal. It’s an investment in yourself and your wellbeing. It’s important that you make this investment with trust and confidence that working together is a good fit. This is why I offer a 20 minute phone consultation. During this time we can identify your needs and answer any questions that you have about working together.
Being a cycle breaker is hard work. There’s no denying it. It’s often a lonely path full of obstacles and confusion. It can be hard to know what the right thing to do is when you are trying to learn healthy boundaries and communication. You are simultaneously unlearning what was modeled to you in your family and educating yourself on how to be the healthiest and happiest version of yourself. Not everyone around you will get it or be able to support you in the way you need. I specialize in working with cycle breakers and I can help you.
Hanna Woody is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in Asheville, North Carolina. She has over 12 years of professional counseling experience and specializes in breaking cycles of intergenerational trauma, childhood trauma, and the Enneagram. Certified in the Embodiment Tradition, she has over 150 hours of training and teaching experience. Hanna is in private practice and provides online mental health therapy, Enneagram coaching, and Enneagram training.