What is a Cycle Breaker?
How Do You Know
If You’re A Cycle Breaker?
Have you ever heard the saying that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? When people say this, they are referring to children who grow up and have a lot of similarities to their parents. This saying has some truth to it. We all learn how to do life from the families we grew up with. We learn how to problem solve, take care of ourselves, soothe ourselves, and relate to one another through our families. However, the reality is, not everyone comes from a family that knows how to do this in a healthy way. That might mean having emotionally unavailable parents and experiencing trauma and abuse.
We tend to repeat a lot of the same patterns and cycles that were modeled for us as children because it’s what we know and it's how we learned to survive life.
It’s why so many people vow to do things differently than their parents and end up doing the same things and having the same problems. Cycle breakers, however, are different. If they are an apple, they are generally rolling far away from the tree and taking root somewhere else.
Cycle Breakers go to therapy, they work on themselves, they read self-help books, and they seek to understand how their upbringing impacts the adult that they are today. Despite all of this, though, they often feel that they aren’t doing enough- that they aren’t good enough. On the outside, others see them as resilient, strong and competent. They always try their hardest, but inside they often feel insecure and fear that they are doing something wrong or that they aren’t as competent or good as everyone thinks they are. They fear making mistakes that reveal an inner deficit. This fear can come out in parenting, at work, in relationships, and pretty much any other area they care about.
Cycle breakers understand how powerful change is and they want to see more of it in themselves and in their families.
This is where I come in as a therapist. Many of my clients have been to therapy before with great results. When they come to me, they are feeling lost and stuck because, despite all of the changes they’ve made and the hard work they’ve done, they still feel that something is missing. They don’t have the confidence they want and their past continues to sneak into the new life they’ve worked so hard to create. They fear that there might actually be something wrong with them and are unsure if they have what it takes to truly become the person that they want to be. They’ve taken a lot of steps to unlearn what was modeled for them, and they don’t understand why they still feel insecure and stuck.
This is my area of expertise. I listen deeply and help my clients identify where they are going wrong. Do you need stronger boundaries? We’ll be able to identify that. Do you need to work on identifying your emotions and communicating them clearly? We’ll work on that too. The great thing about therapy is that you get to show up as you are and I will help you discover what’s keeping you stuck AND help you figure out what steps you need to take to get unstuck and have more confidence and control over your life. It’s important to work with someone who gets it and who can help you learn what’s standing in your way.
Not many people understand what it’s like to be a cycle breaker. It can be really lonely.
You might simultaneously feel misunderstood by the family that raised you and not quite a part of the new community you’ve built. People who had healthier childhoods don’t quite get what it’s like to be you. They may not understand why it’s hard to set boundaries or be around your family. Things that seem benign or easy to them, feel harder for you.
I can help. I will help you find clarity on what serves you and what doesn’t. I can help you strengthen your confidence in your ability to have healthy relationships and know what is right for you.
The first step to working together is to schedule a free 20 minute phone consultation. Investing your time, money, and emotional energy into therapy or coaching is a big deal. It’s an investment in yourself, your health, and your well-being. It’s important that you make this investment with trust and confidence that working together is a good fit. This is why I offer a 20 minute phone consultation. During this time we can identify your needs and answer any questions that you have about working together.
Hanna Woody is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in Asheville, North Carolina. She has over 12 years of professional counseling experience and specializes in breaking cycles of intergenerational trauma, childhood trauma, and the Enneagram. Certified in the Embodiment Tradition, she has over 150 hours of training and teaching experience. Hanna is in private practice and provides online mental health therapy, Enneagram coaching, and Enneagram training.